Challenge: Zumba

Zumba was one of the first ideas floated when I started this project, but for some reason it never actually happened. So, when a friend suggested we go I readily agreed. 

I was pretty bad at Zumba. 

I don't think I was unusually bad, but it seems like the idea is that you just pick it up as you go. Sometimes I tried quite hard to follow the steps. Other times I more or less gave up and just moved about on the spot. When I did that I had more fun really. 

I am pretty bad at Zumba. 

I think it would be more fun if I knew the steps. And a better workout, which I guess is the point. The instructor said you need to go 3 times before you pick it up. 

I think I might need more. 

I am pretty bad at Zumba. 

Stars: 5/10. 

Would I do it again? Probably. But mostly because my friend likes it. And I like my friend. And maybe it is better when you can do it. 

Challenge: Eating Crab

When it comes to food and beverage, I am a person who knows what she likes. If you regularly have lunch or dinner with me at a specific location, chances are you'll soon be able to order for me, because I will have the same thing every time. As far as I'm concerned, it takes away the pressure of making decisions and you know, if you're on a good thing, why not stick to it? It's because of this that I rarely try new types of cuisine, especially when it's a situation that could leave me paying considerable amounts of money for something I might not like.

But, last night, a situation presented itself to me to try crab for the first time, a meat I had previously never had the balls to experience. And yes, I was a little wary of the idea, but my friend suggested we share it, and get the chicken as well in case I didn't like it. Feeling bold, I agreed to these terms.

When the meal came out, I was optimistic. There were obviously some very tasty herbs and spices flavouring the meat and the smell was delicious. My friend and I each picked up a piece of the animal and began approaching the task of eating it.

This was something that turned out be harder than expected.

Trying to break through the shell and into the edible part of the crab made me feel a bit like a caveman who has yet to discover tools. I pulled and prodded at the shell, eventually finding that the best method was to smash it apart with my hands and claw the meat out. Already, eating crab was starting to feel like a bit more trouble than it was worth.

When I finally got some meat, I found to be... ok. It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't super tasty either. It was also incredibly rich, and the seafood flavour seemed to get stronger with every bite, meaning I liked it less and less as the meal went on.

Luckily, I wasn't particularly hungry and there was also some pretty decent fried chicken so I was able to let my friend eat the majority of the crab and no food went to waste. As far as it goes as an experience, although I had an excellent time at dinner, I have discovered that crab is not something I really particularly enjoy eating.
I rate eating crab probably a 3/10.
Would I do it again? Almost definitely not.

4D Cinema – because sometimes three dimensions is simply not enough!

I don’t go to movies often. They are just too long and you just sit there and can’t move and you can’t stop it to take a wiz. And it costs too much anyway. So why don’t we all just stay home and watch some more Mad Men?
It’s a question that can only have one answer. Yes, we should just stay home.
And this newfangled 3D thing that’s supposed to save the film industry? Pltth. I went to a 3D movie when I was 12. There was one where a car was zipping around the cliffs of southern France and then braked suddenly on the edge of the aforementioned cliff… and I shit myself! I’m sorry but seeing a computer-generated tiger just doesn’t cut it for me.
But 4D? Well that’s just …. (insert compulsory dimension joke here)
After a bit of research here, where I was rather taken by the promise of “a high-powered bloody zombie that looks like a giant mutant foetus into a cathedral, where it races towards a crucifix the way a hungry dog runs after a flesh-covered bone. Jesus hangs motionless on a cross. The zombie reaches it, climbs up his body, and punches Jesus in the face.”
So clearly I had to go.
I asked the kid behind the counter for the movie with the zombie punching Jesus. He said he didn’t have it. He was probably just hiding it from his elderly Chinese mother, whose job it was hobble in front of us and show us the way to a table fulled with bright yellow 3D glasses so that we could engage in everyone’s life-long fantasy of dressing up like Devo.
For A$15 you get two ten-minutes movies. And in addition to the possibly imaginary zombie-Jesus movies, they also had a selection of dinosaur movies. A whole lot of rollercoaster themed movies. And a bunch of horror movies. We chose “Adventure In A Dinosaur Valley” and “Flying Through Icebergs”, the latter of which didn’t only involve icebergs but a strange sub-plot where you fly through tunnels getting squished by factory machinery. And then decided to go again the next day for “Blood Road” and the sequel “Blood Road 2”, which mostly involved us laughing at a badly CGI-ed zombie-like creature waving a sharp knife in our face. Whilst the bubble machine blew out a couple of bubbles. Because I know what special effect I most associate with having my life threatened by a raving lunatic.
So there was a bubble machine… but what else did they offer to make it “4D”?
Well the seats move around in a far more jolty manner than you might think appropriate for the action on the screen. And just above your head is a fire sprinkler for when you’re going under a waterfall, and one in front of you for when you are getting licked by a Diplodocus. And just a bit behind your head is another sprinkler blowing out soap suds… if you squint you can just make up that it is supposed to look like snow.
So it doesn’t really win any prizes for being hi-tech. It’s endearingly lo-tech. The movies aren’t particularly hi-tech either. I wouldn’t be surprised if they just downloaded them from the Internet. It’s the kind of home-spun futurism that you might expect from a family run business with an adorable old lady. You could say it’s kitschy, but the thing is, I don’t think this family would agree with you. I think they actually believe in the power of low budget 4D. And that’s an attitude that is worth supporting.

Rating: 8/10
Would I Do It Again: Yes

Challenge: No Lights No Lycra

This challenge is something I had been meaning to do for a while. And by "a while" I mean "around 3 years," since my ex housemate and INSSW blogger Dave used to go all the time. Also, dancing in the dark pretty much sounds like exactly my kind of thing. But often I was busy or lazy or forgetful or had a broken leg and didn't get around to it. Yet, one very cold Wednesday evening I managed to remember that it was on and that I had expressed interest in going, even if I did remember halfway through a gym workout. And I decided to go anyway.

This is basically what happens

No Lights, No Lycra started a few years ago, and the idea is that it is a dance class without instructors or choreography, where people can just dance in the dark. When I arrived, there wasn't really anyone around yet, and since it is in a church hall it was all a bit creepy. Soon enough, people who looked like my people and so I followed them to a dark hall, and sat just inside, hoping that I would be able to find Dave in the dark when he arrived. Lucky for me I did, and soon enough there was dancing to keep me warm. About halfway through Dave wandered off, and I didn't find him again until the end. I think the experience is better on your own, as it was much easier to forget myself and just enjoy my own physicality. Highlights were the weird echoey version of "Shout" that was kinda eerie in the dark, and going crazy to "I just can't wait to be king."

Rating:

10/10 - turns out it is my kind of thing.

Would I do it Again:

I already have! (Yeah, I have been slack with blogging, but it only took a week and a half to get around to it. Which is not that bad)

Challenge: Listen to Hell Hath No Fury - Clipse

I had never even heard of Clipse. I assume they are maybe a big thing in Gangsta rap, but maybe not enough to have been mentioned on 30 Rock or on British panal shows. That is how I stay down with the kids, which is a pretty good indication of how not down with the kids I am.

The more I look at this album cover the more confused I get

I didn't listen to it super closely, as I was cooking while I listened. I do a lot of my music listening while cooking, and I guess usually it involves more singing. Overall, well, I got through the whole thing without too much trouble and there were songs that I would dance to, without even having to be that drunk!
Songs I quite liked: Hello new world, We got it for cheap, Nightmares.
Would I listen to it again: Maybe. I dunno. I want to say yes but I probably won't. But that is my fault, not your's, Clipse.
Rating: 7/10

Challenge: Korean BBQ

Sally's Thoughts:

I am pretty sure food challenges will continue to be my favourite challenges. This could be because I am not a particularly fussy eater, but also not massively adventurous, so there is lots to explore and the expectation is that I will enjoy most of it. This was actually the first challenge I set for myself, and was pleased to after at least a month of wanting to go, to actually go.
Korean BBQ is a thing I hear people talk about. There is no reason at all that I had never eaten Korean food, other than I guess it had just never come up, and because I had never tried it, never felt a particular craving for it. I think that may have changed now. Can we go get korean BBQ right now? It's ok, your plans don't matter. Not unless they are Korean BBQ plans.

Things I liked: The marinated beef was delicious, and the rest of the BBQ meats were at least quite tasty. The seafood pancake was great. The staff were friendly, and offered me warm tea while I was waiting outside for my friends to arrive/our table to be ready, and brought me a BBQ (a pot of hot coals) to keep warm.
I really enjoyed the communal feel of the meal, sitting around a BBQ watching delicious things be cooked was quite entertaining. I also really like meals where they come and give you an exciting array of side dishes which you don't need to specifically order.

Things I didn't like: Well, this is just a problem I have in the world where calamari that is not calamari my Dad has caught and cooked is just inferior. It's not calamari's fault. Sorry, calamari.

Rating: 8/10
Would I do it again: Yes. Can we please go now? Tomorrow? I am free anytime.


Dave’s 2 cents:

I’d never done Korean BBQ before, and I’m not sure I’ve had any Korean food before, and I had some vague ideas it was like yum cha. I went to yum cha last year and I was kinda over it, but I may have found a replacement.

For various reasons our booking went from 8 to 5, and that was kinda better – I’m not sure how 8 of us would’ve huddled around a BBQ burner they put in the centre. I liked that like yum cha it is a continuous thing – rather than having to make to cram too many dishes on the table it is a steady streamy of meaty goodness.

It as much about the condiments as the meat, which I guess is kinda necessary when you’re pretty much eating BBQed meat which can get samey. The marinated beef was the highlight and I would happily just order that if I went again. We even got a free steak because we had some onion in something that we specifically asked not to have it in.

At $25 each not including drinks it wasn’t expensive and there were lots of Asians there which is always a good sign.

Rating: 7/10

Nutshell: An innnersting alternative to the usual Chinese-Vietnamese stuff I usually have.

Would I do it again? Yes.

Challenge: Spiegeltent

The Spiegeltent has been popping up in Melbourne for several years now, and has always fallen into the category of things I meant to go to but always forgot about until it was gone. So, after convincing my sister and mum to go to a comedy festival show with me, when I noticed that Ali Mcgregor's Late-Nite Variety-Nite Night was on there, I figured that might be a good choice. Partly because Mum knew who Ali McGregor was (after a small amount of reminding), partly because the show offered variety and mostly because I like the name. AND IT WAS AT THE SPIEGELTENT. Finally, I could go!

This is a picture of Ali McGregor that also shows how happy I was to be going to the Spiegeltent.

The Late-Nite Variety-Nite Night featured four guests, as well as host Ali McGregor and her buttress Floxie McGinty (Virginia Gay). The first was standup comedian Matt Okine, who my sister and I liked enough to decide that we should go and see his show the next night. Next up was East-End Cabaret, who I liked enough that I would go and see their show if they were doing one in Melbourne. Although, hearing a song about how deflowering virgins is a terrible idea while sitting next to my mother was a new experience I possibly didn't need? Maybe next time that will be less uncomfortable. If that happens again.

I stole this photo from Ali McGregor's facebook page.

Burlesque act Agent Lynch was next, (sitting next to my mother while a lady is stripping to reveal a vagilaphone was another new experience). Finally, there was Dave Callan, who I have decided I should definitely go and see this festival. He danced to Beyonce. It was marvellous.
Between the guest spots, Ali sang some wonderful things, the highlight for me being the medley of Prodigy hits. If you have not heard her sing, here is a video of her singing a Blur song.

Virginia Gay, who was Ali's "buttress" (this may or may not be the correct term for a female butler, although I think the correctness of the term is probably irrelevant) throughout the show, was hilarious. Her face is just so delightfully expressive. She also had to earn her keep by singing a song, which had me in stitches.
Nutshell: A good way to see a variety of acts. Turns out the name of the show is an accurate description!
Rating: 10/10
Would I go again: Yes. I'd even take my mum again.

Challenge: Hillsong Easter Sunday Service or “Jesus is the Only One that can Unscramble a Scrambled Egg”

It’s not like I haven’t dabbled in Christianity before. I went to Anglican Church services as a child, although all the services were in community halls and recreation centres, with borrowed tables and plastic chairs. My first Sunday school was in a shed.

As an adult I have stayed out of Christian churches although they are curiously still in my life. The first flat I lived in when I moved out of home was across the road from a cute little Catholic church called St. Patrick’s, and even now the apartment I live in is next door to St. Brigid’s Cathedral, which is the second largest Catholic Church in Sydney. I popped in on Good Friday and was amazed to see Cardinal George Pell give an address in Italian.

I decided to go to a Hillsong Easter service today (Easter Sunday). Hillsong is a big evangelical conglomerate that normally has multiple services in locations all over Sydney but on Easter Sundays they only have one service at the Sydney Entertainment Centre. Going there was an overwhelming experience. There was a lot of Hillsong paraphernalia on the walls, and even on toilet doors. It felt like their venue even though they rarely use it in this way. The ushers and people working the mobile coffee carts were Hillsong people. There was a Hillsong crèche area. And boy they needed it because the place was heaving with people and not everyone could get a seat. The capacity of the venue is 13,250.

The point of their Sunday night services is to have a “loud celebration of Jesus” and yes, it would’ve seemed like a rock concert to someone who didn’t understand English. There was a lot of singing and people shouting and swaying. The lighting people did a great job. The songs were suitably uplifting and Dan says he saw someone crying during a song. I hated the songs, but was impressed when they paraded two camels, a sheep, a cow, an alpaca and two horses (!!) during one of them.

I don’t like using the word cult because perhaps that’s a bit mean, but that’s what it felt like most to me. Every second sentence seemed to have the word Jesus in it and curiously, there were only a handful of mentions of God. Is this what separates the older Christian denominations from these new evangelical ones? Hillsong’s messages are very simple. Basically they say – believe in Jesus and you will be saved and you never have to worry about your sins ever again and your life will be so much better. For a religion based on the Bible they appear to use very little of it in their teachings, preferring instead to spread their message through songs and occasionally very sleekly produced videos and little group performances.

The supposed highlight was the guest preacher from Germany called Reinhard Bonnke. The scrambled egg quote above is from him. He was full of strange metaphors like that. He kept talking about Jesus’s blood having the capacity to cleanse EVERYONE’S sins. He talked a bit about how the horizontal beam of the Cross is a minus sign representing humanity that is full of sin but Jesus came down from Heaven and died for us creating a vertical beam – a plus sign. He said that atheists were “intellectual vandals” that kept saying “God is dead”. His answer to that is, “Where is God’s body so you can bury him?” He was kind of entertaining in the way that people speaking metaphors in a second language can be, but not when he was trying to get everyone to buy either of his books.

How would I rate this experience? 5/10, if only to confirm my beliefs as an intellectual vandal. Would I do this again? No, feeling this uncomfortable should only be a one-time event.

Challenge: Attend a poetry slam.

It is perhaps somewhat surprising I have never been to a poetry slam even before – a big fan of Carl Hancock Rux, a small fan of Saul Williams, and I have my favourite Hip-hop lyrics tattooed on my back. I’m not sure why I haven’t been to one before – perhaps I was afraid of a “Portlandia” skit inspired by Party Fun Action Committee’s “Word Up” (Google that shit!).

The revolution was not going to be televised so I ended up in person at SLAMALAMADINGDONG: Open Poetry Slam feat. Omar Musa and the launch of PARANG!. Poetry slam is egalitarian in design – the thinking behind it is that anyone can enjoy poetry not just Ivory Tower folks. For the uninitiated, there are 5 judges who are made up of the audience and there are no ‘professional’ judges as I erroneously thought for some daft (lack of a) reason, but as the hosting emcee told us repeatedly ‘Applaud the poetry not the points.’ Somehow I ended up being one of the 5 which was awesome. As it was not a ‘professional’ event we could award scores from 7.0 to 10.0, with the top and bottom scores not counting.

The entrants varied in quality which is to be expected given it was a not a ‘professional’ event. A lot can happen in 3 minutes – one really nervous young lady who stumbled and forgot her poem at the start really picked it up and took it home; I scored her highly accordingly (nothing like watching a underdog claw their way back). Some of them I didn’t immediately take to or felt were meandering were able to bring it back before they finished. As someone who has spent more time than he’d like to admit listening to Hip-hop – oh crunk who cares? It’d at least add up to weeks – it is fun listening to spoken-word following its own meter which gives it something of an interesting unpredictability, as opposed to rappers who (generally) have to keep the beat.  Also the audience clicks their fingers to show their appreciation – if you really impress them then they vocalise their approval.

What I liked most was that I was that some of the work that impressed me the most was work I wouldn’t ordinarily be exposed to; the aforementioned recovery girl and another girl slamming (?) about quote/unquote ‘female issues’ really impressed me. If they can hit home to a Dumb White Male® like me – well mission accomplished, I guess. As for the older guy talking who went from ‘personally revealing’ to ‘TMI-overload’ to ‘borderline primal scream therapy’ – well he wasn’t quite my cup of tea, but I hope it worked as catharsis for him. 

Judging was fun and for some reason I felt vindicated when my low score was booed (every judging panel needs a Red Simons, right?). If anything the booing meant they were defending each other rather than waiting for each other to fall, which is great. There is a real communal feel about it – I’m not sure I’m meshugganah about the ever so slightly cornball term ‘loveswamp’, but I do like the concept of it.

At the risk of sounding smug and worrying more about the points than the poetry, I also felt slightly vindicated that the 3 guys (yes, guys) that won I gave scores somewhere in the 9s. Applaud the poetry….

Oh yeah Omar Musa read from his poetry book and he was awesomesuace.

Rating: 7/10

Nutshell: Clicking not cliquey fun.

Would I do it again? Nah, not really my ‘scene’.

yep

Challenge: Eating some things I hadn't eaten before.

So this was not so much a challenge, rather a pleasant meal with a dear friend where I ate some new things. I guess we can pretend that by taking me out, Liv was challenging me. Overall, it was one of the best meals I have ever had, and it included more food than I have listed here. This is just the new stuff.

Clams
They were steamed, and served with garlic aioli, and were delicious. I only got to eat two of them, which was a bit sad.
Would I eat them again: I sure would.
Rating: 9/10

Bonito Sashimi 
Ok, so I only ate raw fish for the first time about a year ago, and have only eaten it a couple of times since then, because even though I know I like it now, in my head I imagine it will taste the way bench where fishermen clean fish smells. Which, if you have never been fishing, is not good.
So, I am kinda surprised as to how much I liked Sashimi. It basically tastes of tenderness. Delicious, delicious tenderness.
Would I eat it again: JUST TRY AND STOP ME
Rating: 10/10

Pigeon
By the time we got to the Pigeon, I was getting pretty full. It was really, really rich. I preferred the honey roasted carrot it was served with.
Would I eat it again: Maybe. If it was part of a degustation menu (which it was this time) I probably would, but I can't see myself ever choosing it over most other food.
Rating: 6/10

Earl Grey Tea Ice Cream
This was served with a delicious Chocolate dessert, and was also delicious.
Would I eat it again: Definitely.
Rating: 9/10

Prunes
Prunes were part of the above dessert. I tried them. I didn't eat them. My opinions on dried fruit, which is basically that it is fruit which a dementor has sucked the soul out of, remain unchanged.
Would I eat it again: Not if I can help it.
Rating: 2/10

Challenge: Write a blog entry.

It wasn’t until Sally pointed this out to me that I realised this was a first (*face-palm*). I’ve generally resisted a blog because if I have anything to say it is going in my thesis.

I’ve written streetpress music reviews, - long-arsed emails, Facebook status comments and Internerd forum entries, and symbolic interactionist sociological reports for uni. It was actually the last one it reminded me about the most – the observing and getting amongst it (even if I didn’t quite end up dancing). Like most things I write I stop and start – a gradual, organic process. Maybe I should do it in one go in the future to keep it brief. But yeah I didn’t mind it.

Rating: 6/10

Nutshell: An acceptable way to procrastinate from doing ‘real things’ (read: ‘doing my thesis’), but not quite as much fun as making mixtapes.

Would I do it again? Uumm…….

#1st!

Challenge: I’ve never seen a country music gig.

“I like both kinds of music – country and western.”

It wasn’t until I was writing this up that I was thinking I have some vague, memories of me doing some country dancing as a kid – more than 20 years ago, probably under much sufferance. So the challenge was still valid and so there I was at the Victoria Hotel Brunswick, a typical, average sized suburban pub, on a Saturday night to see The Moonee Valley Drifters. With that noughties Johnny Cash biopic well in the rear-view it is once again pretty easy to shit on country music again; you know the drill; cousin courting country folk, depressing lyrics and crunking awesome hats. Yeah the jokes pretty much write themselves (And what is the deal with aeroplane food?).

But in the spirit of INSSW someone who’s country music collection begins, middles and ends with a (hardly listened) double CD Hank Williams best of collection there I was at a not-in-the-country country gig.

The crowd was made up of white suburbanite couples in their 50s and 60s who reminded me of my parents – if only my parents were out on the town having so much fun. I know more about Japanese basket weaving than I do about country dancing, but even I could see that it was the more swing dancing than boot-scooting. Same goes for the music; if you’re note familiar with it then of course all country music sounds the same in the same way that you probably couldn’t tell the difference between Waka Flocka Flame and Gucci Mane* if your life depended on it, while I on the other hand could bore you to death on the difference several times over.

What I liked the most was the communal feel – people seemed to all know each other or eager to make friends. Honestly I couldn’t have looked more out of place, but I didn’t feel out of place, well not too out of place and I think if I had made the effort they would’ve been friendly enough, despite the age gap. It wasn’t until Sally pointed it out that I realised that they were swapping partners; I’m not sure if this contributed to the communal feel of the place, or vice versa.

As for the fetching less who was possibly the only young person there and maybe I could’ve plucked up the courage to ask her to dance – I mean this is for hicks so it really can’t be much harder than getting crunk, innit? Going by snappy dressing she looked like she meant to be there (somehow I felt my plaid Chucks violated the unofficial dress code- will have to back to you about my Kangol), but when she got dancing and showed up pretty much everyone there- well, you could tell she most definitely meant to be there; it was her world and I was just visiting. 

The band did 3 sets of about 5 or 6 songs, at first I thought I thought it was maybe to give the band a break (who appeared to be much the same age as the dancers with the exception of the lap steel player who looked my age give or take), but then I realised it was probably so the dancing baby-boomers could have a well-earnt break.

After the gig I spoke to the perfectly friendly and likeable band leader ex-pat Yank Tom Forsell and bought a CD off him which he and several other band members signed. Of course, you can’t decide that you don’t like ALL country and western from one gig any more than you can decide you don’t like ‘rock music’ (hey I’m down with the kids!) from one gig, but I enjoyed myself. Even if they looked like my parents it was a fun night. Who knows? Next time I might pluck up the courage to dance…………

*Like Hank Williams both are hard-living, (self)-destructive Southerners.

Rating: 7/10

Nutshell: Friendly, unpretentious fun.

Would I do it again? Yes absolutely I’m going to keep an eye out and see them again.